Jan 1New Years Resolution PoemIn early January On my way to the cemetery, I saw two dead possums under a tree on 49th street They were frozen and I was proud of myself for going on a run in the cold. In mid January On my way to the cemetery, I saw a two…New Year2 min readNew Year2 min read
Jul 2, 2022All The Times Teeth Have Betrayed Me1. So many of mine have fallen out of my head that I have fake ones now and it’s unfair because I used to floss daily. 2. These dentures have also fallen out — in front of my family and on my birthday. Not when I was blowing out candles…Humor2 min readHumor2 min read
Jun 27, 2022How to Copy/PasteHighlight the text you wanna copy On a Mac, hit command C Google what buttons a PC has Wonder if you are one of those stuck up Mac people or if you just fall for marketing easily or if it really is a better computer, or if you wasted a…Funny1 min readFunny1 min read
May 26, 2022Dear Presidents: I’m Sorry I Haven’t Died in a Mass ShootingEven Though That’s Clearly What You Want From Me I have never once died in a mass shooting and it has taken me too long to realize this is what my government wants! I owe an apology to the presidents of my lifetime. …Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
May 17, 2020Jaws 2020I watched Jaws for the first time ever and my boyfriend mused that I might find similarities between the pandemic world and the little summer town Amity. Within minutes of the opening credits, I agreed. A girl sitting a socially conscious 6 feet from the group and then her boobs…3 min read3 min read
Apr 21, 2020Why I Keep a Printer in the Background of my Tinder PhotosA story of what works. Fellas, here’s my number one dating tip: keep a printer in the background of your Tinder and dating profiles. Women wanna borrow that printer! They will smash for a couple of PDFs! …Comedy10 min readComedy10 min read
Apr 17, 20208 Steps To Survive Loud Chewers In QuarantineMy heart goes out to those quarantined with mouth breathers and loud chewers. …Misophonia5 min readMisophonia5 min read
Apr 15, 2020Which Millennial Hardship Are You? A Personalty Quiz!What was your first cell phone? A) A little flip phone with no camera B) The Razor C) A broken iPhone 6 you found in a drawer and begged for D) iPhone xR/11 E) Blackberry F) I don’t remember because it was taken away so often because I’m bad! What…Millennials3 min readMillennials3 min read
Mar 19, 2020Baby Name Ideas for 9 Months from This QuarantineQuarantina Cora Nineteen (like the Eleven from that show but a bigger number) Corona (duh) Costco Covidia (would look so nice in cursive) Donald HasIt Purelle Fauci Elizabeth (after my mother) Rudolph (it’s going to be a Christmas baby) Juan-Pandemic Seedeesey (this one is pronounced CDC) Rona Toilet Paper (So she feels precious) Bernie Hope Bago’Rice It doesn’t matter what I name my baby, my dad is going to call her Wuhan Virus.Covid-191 min readCovid-191 min read
Jan 7, 2018The Bills Made the Playoffs the Same Day My Wife Drank her Eclipse Water, You’re Welcome BuffaloOn August 21 Eclipse Day 2017, right in the middle of pre-season, my wife filled a few mason jars with water and let them soak up the power of the eclipsed sun or something. She let them sit on our window sill until New Year’s Eve. Her plan was to…Sports2 min readSports2 min read
